一篇DPL候选人的竞选宣言

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一篇DPL候选人的竞选宣言

文章carlos » 週三 3月 03, 2004 10:48 pm

Gergely Nagy, a debian developer, nominated himself as the new Debian Project Leader.
Here is his funny platform. The other candidates are Martin Michlmayr (current DPL) and Branden Robinson (famous XFree86 maintainer).

http://www.debian.org/vote/2004/platforms/algernon

Platform for Gergely Nagy
Background

My name is Gergely Nagy, and I do hope I will finish way after the other candidates, even after None of the Above. I am 22 years old, was born a year before Susan Calvin, as a male (so I have no chance of becoming a famous robopsychologist this way).

Now, back to my point, if I have one, which I don't, except at the end of each sentence.

Anyways, I have been a Debian maintainer since late 2000, served as an Application Manager for a short while, then gone back to maintain my packages (currently tama, sam, ed, thy and a few others, like dpatch for which I'm a co-maintainer, but I'm the one to blame for the 2.0 rewrite. Except dpatch-edit-patch, that one is David's fault!).

Apart from these, I have my dirty fingerprints spread over a lot of packages I submitted patches for.

However, all of these doesn't matter, as you will not vote for me.
Goals

I can summarise my goals in quite a few ways. Read on, dear reader!
The Day Of The Tentacle Summary

* Step one: Find plans
* Step two: Save world
* Step three: GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE

The Be Nice To Users Summary

* Step one: Kick all morons
* Step two: Kick everyone who is nasty to poor users
* Step three: Hide from Marillat

The Profit Summary

* Step one: Sue everyone for no apparent reason (if it works for SCO, it should work for us too!!!)
* Step two: ???
* Step three: Make Profit!

The Slayers Summary

* Step one: Eat something (...and then, eat more... and maybe a little more.... just one more cake! ...just that chicken on your plate...)
* Step two: Beat bad guys (who didn't let me finish eating. THERE YOU HAVE YOUR DRAGON SLAVE! And if that didn't work, you'll have a GIGA SLAVE too :P)
* Step three: Take gold. (Or anything that is still in one piece.)

Only problem being, I'm a male, so I can't be Lina Inverse...
The Threepwood Summary

LOOK BEHIND YOU! A THREE-HEADED MONKEY!
Why you should vote for me
You must not!
What others want me to say you should vote for me

Some of my friends say that there hasn't been any hungarian project leader yet, so this is a good time to change that! Thank all the hard working hungarians like Ingo Molnar (of lkml fame) by voting for a fellow hungarian (who even met Ingo once, hey!).

I'm sexy. (Okay, okay, I admit it, I said that, and it is not true. At least I'm honest now!)

I have a tamagotchi. Every year, I tried to ask the candidates during the debate whether they have a tamagotchi. As far as I recall, they didn't. I do, and he is fat and old and will sit on anyone who votes for me.
Why you should not vote for me

I asked you not to.

If I win, I will resign immediately, or disappear for good, so do not even think about voting for me.

In case I do not do any of the above mentioned evilnesses, I will NMU policy, forbidding usernames starting with capital letters and having a dash in them, for they are annoying.

I am a fortunate man (if for no other reason, I have a girlfriend beside me), and as the saying goes, behind every fortunate man, there stands a brilliant woman. Now, I do not want this leader thing to take time away from us. Then, when there is a brilliant woman behind me, why the hell would you vote for me, who demonstratably has no clue at all?

I want to get rid of Perl from the base system. Not that I don't like it, but I prefer shoop. Everything that is written in Perl in our base system, should be rewritten in shoop instead.

On fridays, you should all wear pink skirts and dance on the streets praising my name.

Everyone entering the New Maintainer queue should be taught to program in whitespace.

My girlfriend says that if you vote for me, you will be cursed. Believe me, you do not want that. It means constant black-out or random power failures for an extended period of time.

If being a member of Front Desk counts as being part of the Cabal, then I was once member of the Cabal. Shoot me.
Conclusions

I suck. This is a fun nomination, so that Martin can have a good laugh (and hopefully everyone else too, except Marillat from whom I need to hide).

Thank you very much, for reading this long. I'm looking forward to giving nonsensical answers to otherwise fine questions during the debate!
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carlos
活潑的高中生
活潑的高中生
 
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